chicken

~ I'm still on hoiday from work ~ the hubs and i packed our bags, filled up the 'beast' (my white ford explorer) and headed north. the intention was to drive to shreveport for a day or two of sightseeing. rumors of snow prompted us to leave the next day (after josey won $100 at the slot machines) and we headed east to dallas.

i'm a nervous wreck when it comes to quite simply "letting the road" take you to your next destination. i needed an itinerary or a map. i'm not as laid back as my husband who had no care in the world. we were just going to have some sort of adventure.

and maybe that's the reason behind my blogs - that i'm not a big of an adventure seeking type as i hope and wished i could be. i dream of exotic and beautiful places, but heaven help me if i follow through on that and backpack across the continent. i think i'd have panic attacks across europe!

i wasn't adventurous when i was little, either. my parents always thought of me as the "breakable one" - okay and the fact that i was in the hospital a few times for broken arms, scrapped knees and whatever......i wasn't a klutz - i just wanted to fly and look where that got me!

i'd see my little sister running around, unabashed and free. as soon as i stepped foot outside, my parents dragged me back in - gave me a book and called it a day.

i'm even a picky eater - if you can believe that. i used to eat squid, shark, fruits that were indigenous to the pacific isles and here in the modern - "cleaner" states - i distrust most foods.

how do you find adventure when you're the type to not even want one?

winter

the days of spring is long past
the summer sun nothing but a glimmer
leaves are all but gone

only the cold remains

store fronts sparkle with lights
children waiting for Claus

a Virgin cries in the night

hold your coats tighter, friends
listen to stories told by wise old men
close your eyes and open your heart
to a King born in a manger

the rush, the sounds, the crowds
everyone seems to have forgotten
the reason to search for a fallen star

babies wail and mothers sigh
children still waiting

girls in dresses
boys in tuxs
singing

husbands and empty wallets
wives in diamond bracelets

three wise men on a journey

babes tucked in
creatures not stirring
all wait for the sound of bells

cookies and milk next to chimneys

an Angel appears to men

oh how I love this season
where tinsel and candy canes meet
frankincense, and myrrh.

time flies

how cliche! but how true. i'm sitting in my friend's living room, waiting for the hubs to wake up. everything's still and quiet - save for me strumming along on the keyboard and a parrot called Panchito who's quest to break out seems neverending.

sometimes i feel like Christmas couldn't get here faster. and other times, ususally when i'm driving, i get hit with the sudden realization that crap! the year is over and we have to start again in just a couple of weeks.

a lot, a lot has happened to the martinez duo since last Christmas. i was employed as a loan shark and the hubs was unemployed. both homeless, living in the den in his parent's house. this Christmas, we will be by ourselves, in our own place.....

i feel like i've been there forever at the wic office, but it's not yet time for me to celebrate a one year anniversary......

i love Christmas. the Advent. the smells, the sounds. everything. i'm so grateful for the blessings that God provides and i have welcomed and accepted each and every single one.....well...some more so than others, if i were to be completely honest....

tonight, a parade of lights! and tomorrow.....well apparently my sister has signed me up for a boot camp workout.....so we shall see...

leap of faith

i used to think i was adventurous. when i was little, with hardly any limitations put on me - just my imagination running wild - i could circle around the world in a sailor's cap and even if i made it to the next block, i'll call it a day!

then i got older. i've got type a neurotism in every muscle fiber. i don't think i can go somewhere without some sort of agenda, a checklist. heck! i've got a checklist on what i need to do with my life......

i've got two guy friends - one of them is going to leave his part of the world and set off on a grand tour of what else is out there - on the other parts of the world. all he's got is a backpack and a guitar. i'd go insane.

i admire that. kinda scary, and something i know i can't handle. the newness is fine, the sights, the sounds - it's the unknowing and the getting lost that churns my tummy.

i don't know if i can be as carefree like that. i don't know if i can take a giant leap and fly............

then there's this other guy. he's not going anywhere (that i know of) but he is taking some chance with this girl....but taking a look at a different faith. we're catholics - to question your faith.....not new, exactly, but we are taught at an early age to not question.....don't ask - that would be like asking God...and what kind of person are you for asking the Maker?

but he's plowing ahead....he's questioning the universe and his role in it. somewhere in between is a girl and a Savior.

don't you just wish you can just take such leaps of faith?

Do you believe in God?

apparently you are not alone. i'm watching cnn and just now - as i'm waiting on my hubs to get here, saw an advertisement that said that.

while the idea of God in this scientific, technologically advanced society we are in - is far fetching and seems ...can't think of the word.....my question is this.. in this time of such awfulness. such mindless, stupid, random acts of inhumanity... how can you not want to believe in something so good and so pure?

that here on earth is just so fleeting and temporary - one day we will find paradise or be enveloped in peace, love and eternal happiness?

yes, i suppose that's a lot to take in and so naive of me - a "grown up" so used to seeing society's advancement and brilliant minds discovering new things.... but let me ask again:

how could you not? when the world is so cold and unwelcoming? when the trust in your neighbors and friends diminish over the years....when somehow laughter sounds hollow and smiles are forced.....wouldn't you want to be wrapped up in such devastatingly beautiful love - a love that frightens you (in a good way), excites you and all Loves wants is for your love back. for you to embrace Him, wake up with Him in your thoughts and actions. sing with Him with such joyous praise and it's so much Love ti take in....that you have to share with everyone you meet......

i believe in the power of prayers
i don't believe in wishes
i believe in the One that will come again

i believe in having my happily-ever-after

something funny amidst the news

the news today has some pretty horific details. sometimes it makes me want to scream out, "Lord - take me away." for what purpose do i have being a witness to something terrible? to have to see and hear terrible things? from the ongoing investigation about the Fort Hood tradegy to the identifying another body in the cleveland/serial rapist/killer case to a little baby trapped in box by a babysitter for hours. such madness. such terrible hatred.

there are people who do ask, where is God in all of this? and which i answer - He was there the whole time. He was there to ease some of the pain, burdens and comfort those who were saved and those who were not. these are so senseless to me. i don't understand and will never, I pray, understand the hatred in someone's heart.

and then i think i live in a bubble, where fortunately, He lives and has given me only the heartaches i can bear.

the drive home from work was filled with laughter. and as i sat down and tried to relax, i looked at my facebook and saw this awesome video that was posted on this girl's profile. she's already funny with her usual status updates and always (i dont know how she finds these things) has funny stuff.

so world - here's a bit of laugher amidst the tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmKnQjBf8wM&feature=player_embedded#